"I have some news..."

That's right, folks.

         I got a video call from Anthony this past Friday. I love getting surprise skype calls from my sailor. He looked particularly happy this time around too. He hadn't had any trace of happiness on his face for the past few weeks, with the exception of the occasional laugh I would induce. I knew he had an important meeting with the psychiatrist earlier that Friday. That meeting would determine whether or not he stayed in the Nuke program. He told me before that if "I tell them I'm sad" then they will let him out. We were both conflicted if leaving the program was best. Over time, it became apparent that the if he stayed in there was a chance he wouldn't come home in one piece, if any at all. He was so unhappy and so depressed, and any other word you could use to describe the incredible sadness. He even had the displeasure of having two sailors that he knew "leave", so to speak. He could see what was happening to those two sailors, and to all the other troubled sailors. He struggled with the teaching methods and just couldn't get used to the lifestyle. In Anthony's mind it was all counter-productive and he couldn't find a good reason to stay. So he told them he was sad. 
         Just like that he's out of the program. Well, almost. He's now waiting on word from his superiors as to what happens next. The last I heard he was still attending class until they tell him otherwise. He is happier now that he doesn't need to stress about classes, though he does still need to do all the work. That doesn't make much sense to make him attend class and hand in work when he won't be in the program anymore. Regardless, it must be such a huge relief for him. He still doesn't like that he has to stay up late doing watch almost every night, either. I assume the next step would be to get in line for deployment. What that entails I have no idea. I hope they don't move him off the east coast. I would love if they sent him to Virginia. He could actually come home once in awhile! That would be so nice. I am still worried about what will happen once they do figure out where to put my sailor. There is so much that is still unknown.
            We have had so many conversation about life, about whats important, about the government and the public, and the like. He have gone on for hours going back and forth with good views and input. We try so hard to figure out life, whats reasonable and outlandish, what direction is wise and which is foolish. We treasure intelligent conversation and I think it plays a part in keeping us both sane. It is a constant reminder of the values we hold dear and how we view life. It also further strengthens our relationship. He has told me more than once that if it wasn't for me he might have ended up like those two poor sailors. I pray that we can continue to keep each other strong through this type of conversation. It might be our only hope for sanity and survival.

At Least Valentine's Day Was Nice

         Happy Valentine's Day everyone! Better late than never! Those are the lovely flowers I got from my sailor for V-day. Just a little proof that even in these tough times we can still share some happiness with each other. I sent him one of his favorite cars in HotWheels version with a card I made for him. I was lucky enough to get to watch him open it; even though it was late in the evening he skyped me for the occasion. He looked particularly cute in his fresh hair cut, but I still miss his long pre-Navy hair. Although he may have had a manageable week, yesterday things went haywire again. He's now failing one of his courses in Power School. While this is disappointing it is also almost expected. I could tell that this wasn't going to go well considering his mood lately. The "teaching" methods there aren't compatible with Anthony's learning system. There is no doubt that he can understand the material if it is comprehensibly taught. Apparently that is not happening here. If he can graduate third in his A School class, you would think that he would at least pass his classes now. Since I am not there going through the system I can't give you a first hand account, or an accurate one for that matter. 
          It just seems like nothing down there is aligning for my sailor boy. He went a little nutty when he found out he is failing, too. He was talking crazy for the better part of Friday. He talked to me, his parents, his brother, and I'm guessing some of his friends. That's a record for conversations in one day. You could tell he needed some love and support, but sometimes its hard to give it when he is so negative. All I could muster was "stop it!". I feel bad now, but that's all I could say for few responses. I'm at my wits end. I love that he is comfortable with leaning on me when he needs support. I wouldn't want it any other way, I just wish it were easier to hold him up. He shoots down anything you may say to make him feel better. He always has an answer for everything. He hasn't been gone for a year yet and I'm having trouble. I can only pray that things will get better come March; by that time Anthony will know whether or not he flunked out of the Nuke program. I hope to God that things get better either way.

Skyping and Griping

        These are trying times we live in today. It has been very difficult for Anthony and I these last few weeks, ever since the start of Power School. If I thought being a Navy girlfriend was hard before I had another thing coming. This has by far been the most challenging time; not only for me but for Anthony as well. Things have taken a turn for the worse. Not because of the material being taught or the difficulty of the class, but for the working environment. Anthony was never too fond of his new roommate playing xbox until the wee hours of the morning, and having the tv on and playing music simultaneously. It has irritated him since the beginning of Power School and he hasn't gotten used to it. I can hear his roommate yelling at his friends on xbox while I'm on the phone with Anthony or on skype. I do find it annoying while we're trying to talk so I imagine how Anthony must feel when he's trying to sleep or relax. It's not just this either; apparently the entire system down there is just rubbing Anthony the wrong way. He has complained more these last few weeks than in the entire time he has been in the Navy.

         Let's rewind for a minute. First, Anthony and I skyped quite a few times since Christmas. I like the webcam I got him and I love that I can see him. It's a bittersweet thing, though. It feels nice to see Anthony but it also tears us apart because we're not really with each other. We both get glassy-eyed every time. We miss each other so much. It's soooo much better than talking on the phone, though. I can see his face and his expression, his laugh, his smile, and his silly faces. I show him my pet bunny rabbit and projects I have done for school. We get a little frisky sometimes too so I'll keep those details between Anthony and myself. We liked to play little games too; it's fun, but still a bit sad. I like that I can see where Anthony lives, or at least where he sleeps. That's his bed behind him. Before Power School started we talked more on skype but now neither of us have much time for it. I wish we could do it more, but at the same time it will only make us more depressed. 

Look at that cute boy with a fresh hair cut!

          Now on to the story of the week. The word spreading around NNPTC is that Anthony may be kicked out the program, or whole Navy for that matter. He's not taking a liking to this new lifestyle and its starting to show. He has talked to every counselor available to him and the general consensus is that he is very depressed...DUH! I could have told you that. So we will find out sometime next week, if ever, what they plan to do with Anthony. I really hope they don't send him home. As much as I would love to have him back I think he still needs this education while he can get it. I know staying there won't do him much good in terms of mental health, but coming home won't fix it either. Obviously he left home for a good reason. He had the life here but it still wasn't adding up for him. He had his own house, cars, motorcycles, a good job, me, his family, etc. None of this was what he wanted out of life I guess. Now that he doesn't have these things anymore he is so depressed and home sick he's starting to crack up. I hope they can find a happy medium. I'm so stressed and worried about my poor sailor. He really should have thought more about this whole business before he left. I just want him to be happy, like he is here.

Hopefully I won't have to stop calling him my sailor.