A Very Fond Farewell

      It is quite the bittersweet ending. I wanted to tell you all once it was official, which would have been yesterday, but I just can't wait any longer. My last post alluded to something that I still have conflicted feelings over. It is a great sigh of relief and cause for excitement, but it is also a source of new worries with a hint of sadness. As you all have been well aware of since the beginning, my sailor has had trouble adjusting to Navy life. He liked nuke school, but hated the system. He liked the fleet, but hated the system. A never ending tale of repetitive disappointment. Not so much for me but for my sailor. I can't say I'm disappointed. I'm impressed he left to begin with so anything he has done since then has impressed me. I am more proud of him now then I ever was. I enjoyed almost everything about his journey and what it has done for us. Aside from mental breakdowns and having an insane crush on a midshipwoman for two weeks, of course. That story still makes me want to vomit. Still can't get mad though, we both have had our downfalls with each other being away. But that's not why I'm here today.
       If you didn't figure it out by now I'll just come out with it. My sailor is coming home. Forever. Honorably discharged for "general" reasons. Thank God its honorable. That was my one rule for him getting out - it had to be honorable. Sometime in mid-October Anthony will be returning home to a place which now seems like some sort of miniature heaven to him. His family, friends, cars, me, and freedom. What more could a guy ask for? I could name a few thousand things but for this sailor we'll take it one step at a time. It will be very bizarre having him home where I can see him in ten minutes if I wanted to. He said himself that it will take some time for him to get back in the swing of things and to get used to me beside him. Cooking for him and showering him with love will seem strange for awhile. It's been quite awhile since we've been able to be together without thinking of how long it will be until next time. Being together more often then not is a concept we're both going to need some time to understand. 
        It has been an incredible journey. We learned so much about ourselves and things we thought we knew. I could fill a book with all the life lessons. It is truly a blessing. I couldn't have asked for a better Navy experience for Anthony. He got to go through boot camp, excel in A School, see a portion Power School, and hit the fleet all in one year. And no deployment! Just a few under-ways! What a perfectly well-rounded Navy experience. Anthony still wishes he could have had another shot at Power School but that's just not how it works. It's still a bummer. Sometimes I wish he could have liked it. I wish he could have not had problems with the system. He did, however, enjoy the nuke school environment and the mechanics of his job aboard the Wasp. I know he is smart enough and perfectly capable of handling the Navy but his pride, high standards and morals wouldn't let him. Which isn't all that bad. I like his high standards and morals. It's what makes him desirable and different. It's what makes him my favorite person. However, I will always wonder if me marrying him and moving on base would have helped him cope. I will always wonder if I could have helped him even more, if I could have kept him in the Navy. These questions will linger forever as there will not be a chance to find out.
       As for the status of me right now, I've just started my senior year of college. I received more scholarship money this time but am on my own for next semester. The engagement setting Anthony and I picked out has been sized and is currently hiding in my house until my sailor comes home. Then I'll pass it over to him to finish and hold onto until the time comes. I've already been writing things down and getting my network together for the big day. I don't want to forget certain things like what songs I want played at the reception, potential photographers/videographers, etc. I'm way ahead of myself but it can't hurt to keep things in mind. I've also been working on getting Anthony to agree to wear his uniform for the ceremony. He's been reluctant so far but it's a work in progress. He's slowly beginning to consider it. As for family situations my dad isn't really happy that Anthony is getting out of the Navy so soon. He's an Army vet from back in Vietnam so he's still bitter about the whole thing. Oh well, tough cookies for him. 
      
      So my journey as a Navy Girlfriend will be coming to a close. It was good while it lasted but it will be even better once it's over. I will have my former sailor home with me right where he should be. I am grateful for the experience and recommend it to others. I'm just happy that this journey is doing a 180. Lord only knows how much longer we could have lasted being away from each other. We learned that we are a unique couple capable of overcoming grand obstacles. We learned that we understand eachother's boundaries and qwerks better then our families do. We learned that we are stronger together then we are apart. There will be new challenges once Anthony returns home but we will face them together. Together, a tool we did not have for 14 months. A tool we managed to survive without but just by the skin of our teeth. It was a good ride, but I'm sure glad we can get off and go home now.



Thank you all so much for following my story! Best of luck to all sailors and their families! 



 I will continue to keep my blog open for future readers.


 

Coming Soon

       Hello everyone! How have all of your summers been? I hope they were as fun-filled and relaxing as mine. This has been my second summer without Anthony and I must say it wasn't quite as sad as the first. Of course I missed Anthony during the good beach days and early morning bike rides, the nights at home and the good times with friends. Despite the moments of loneliness I felt hopeful. I'm here today because I have wonderful news to share with all of you. That does, however, depend on your definition of wonderful news.
       Anthony has been underway a total of three times so far. Two one-week trips and one two-week trip. This coming Monday my sailor will be underway for three weeks. He enjoys the mechanics of his job and working with the machines, however he has still not become acclimated to Navy life. He refuses to talk with me about his short trips to sea. He always says he doesn't want to talk about it. It makes me rather nervous to think about what could be so bad. I don't pry, though. I just give a reluctant, alright, and move along in conversation. One good thing is that Anthony has been seeing a counselor. He actually enjoys it and says it has been helping him. What a relief! I can only play psychiatrist for so long. Maybe if it was my major. One big stumbling block for a short time was the heart-wrenching "I have something to tell you" line. Yes, while my sailor was out at sea, he met a someone. A midshipman. A girl who's name I shall not mention. Just thinking about it makes my skin crawl. He says nothing happened with them but he was completely infatuated for the short time they were together. He is also withholding some information until he returns home. That makes me extra nervous. If "nothing happened" then what could he have to say that he will only say in person? Ugh, I feel nauseous. Aside from this, during the time I have been absent things were pretty mellow. My sailor was busy doing his Navy thing the way only Anthony could do it, and I was busy working, worrying about him, and taking vacations. It was a good summer if I do say so myself.
      I do still hold my breath every underway until he gets back. I'm very afraid for his safety and mental health. It's a tough job I've have had for the past 14 months, and for you, my dear readers, I can only wonder what journeys your sailors will be on. I can only hope that every sailor will return home safe and sound. I have been amazed at the communities I've come across while being a Navy girlfriend. All of you good people coming together to support each other is such a heart warming thing. I'm grateful for the support I have received on my own journey.
       I feel happy, excited, and still anxious. Anthony will return the end of August, and by the beginning of September you will all know why my heart sings with joy. It is slightly bittersweet, but is it just want this girl and her sailor needs! See you all then!

Summer Break

Hello all,

      I just wanted to let you know that I won't be posting as often this summer. Things are very much up in the air and I need time to collect everything together into a concise thought. Also, I will be on a couple vacations so I will be away from the internet for quite some time. While my relationship remains stable with my sailor his relationship with the Navy is not. Anthony isn't the same since his most recent trip out to see. He returned this morning and was very different from when he left. We both saw this change emerging when he left and now it is full blown. He still holds onto his hope of leaving the Navy for good. An option, which I think, is truly the best for him. If he stays in the Navy he won't come out alive. If only he had consulted me before he made the decision to join, this whole situation could have been avoided. I would have pointed out to him all the ways in which he is not compatible with military life. I do realize that he needed to go in order to find out that it wouldn't work. The Navy also helped him to appreciate the life he had before and how important all the people are who love him. As for now we are trying to come to a peaceful agreement so he can make his way back home. I will return when I have a better grip on the situation. Until then, good luck to all sailors and their families.