His First Visit Home, Merry Christmas!

Yay!

        It truly is the most wonderful time of the year, especially when your favorite sailor comes home for holiday! Anthony flew in to Atlantic City in under two hours the Friday before Christmas. He got a ride to the Myrtle Beach airport with another sailor on the same flight. They even got bumped up to first class because they wore their uniforms! Anthony reaked of scotch when his mother and I gave him a hug. Oh the perks of first class. Anyway, as you can tell his mother and I went to pick him up from the airport. We got back to Anthony's house just before one o'clock in the morning since we all live about an hour from AC. The whole car ride to his house I was just taking in that he was sitting in the car next to me. I was lucky enough to be able to sleep over with Anthony that night and the next. Though, the first night we didn't get to bed until about three am, if you catch my drift. It was a good night. 

       Anthony has so, so much family to see while he was home for those short five days. We attended four parties: three Christmas parties and one just for Anthony. Anthony's party was Saturday, Sunday was dinner with my parents, then came Christmas eve at his aunt's, Christmas night at my sister's, and the day after Christmas at his grandpop's party. We were both on family overload. So many nice-to-meet-you's and how-have-you-been's. I definitely enjoyed seeing all the people we did, from aunts and uncles to friends, cousins, and great grandmothers. Poor Anthony had to keep answering all the same questions over and over. One person would ask a set of questions, and then another the same set, and another, and so on. All the "Was it what you expected? What are you doing now? Have you been on a ship yet? When are you coming back?" Even I was getting tired of hearing the same questions over and over. It really was great seeing all the family though, as well as opening presents with each other.

          We squeezed so much into such little time. Not to mention Anthony had his own business at home to take care of. By that I mean his car he is driving back to Goose Creek. In fact he is driving as I type right now. His car was sitting at a friend's shop since he left and was being repaired recently so he could take it down. Anthony had to get new registration, insurance, and inspection squared away. Thankfully it all worked out and he his on his merry way. He will be so happy to have a car at NNPTC. No more taxis! I'm still nervous about him making it all the way with no problems. It's not a new car either, its a '90s model. On top of this Anthony was progressively getting ill from the moment he set foot in Jersey. He barely got to indulge in all the holiday foods. If he was feeling well he would have had such a full belly the entire time he was home. I felt so bad for the poor boy. He loves to eat so much and could barely keep anything in.

        I already miss him terribly. It was just last night that we said goodbye to each other. This time it was particularly hard because nobody knows when we will see him again. I couldn't hold it in. I even cried on him the night before because I knew he was leaving soon. Since Anthony is a manly man he doesn't cry...or so he would like to say. When he sees me cry I can see his eyes slowly become glassy. He tries to hold it in for sake of keeping together his manly man-ness. Since I'm a woman I am naturally emotional and just let it all flow out. I was really upset that he had to go back. Then, this morning, something strange happened. I woke up and was not upset. Anthony's visit had been filed away as the past. It was as if he was already back in SC. I wanted to be terribly upset still. It was as if my mind was already back in the setting of Anthony not being home. I had my cry-fest the night he left, especially after he pulled away from my house, waving as he went along. I could still feel his hugs and kisses but I did not shed another tear. I guess somehow, overnight, I accepted reality and moved forward with it even though Anthony was still just twenty minutes away packing up his car.

         When I think about it for a moment I can remember what it felt like to wake up in Jersey with Anthony next to me. I can remember driving us from one relative's house to another. I can remember all the things we did and how wonderful it felt to have him home. I can even feel his warmth and his touch if I think hard enough. I can remember how much it hurt to watch him drive away, knowing there was nothing I could do to make him never leave again. Then I go back to my state of mind where this new life is an acceptable way to live. Where two people with a great relationship can survive being so far apart. Where couples who argue can still see each other everyday and yet we cannot. It truly isn't fair but it is what makes us different. It is what will make us stronger. I had never smiled so much than in the past five days.

ABC's "Last Resort"

      I hope you have all heard about the TV show on ABC called Last Resort. I've been watching it faithfully every Thursday at 8pm. If you don't watch or haven't heard, the show is about a Navy sub commanded by a character named Captain Marcus Chaplain. In the very first episode the sub was given strike orders to hit the Pakistan with a nuclear missile. The orders came over an unauthorized channel and were questioned by the captain who then did not act on them. This display of treason, as many are calling it, caused the sub to be fired at by another US Navy submarine. The USS Colorado, a fictional submarine manned by Captain Chaplain and his crew, is forced to then retreat to a nearby island for protection. There they commodore a NATO station for means of communication with the rest of the world. The crew, as you can imagine, is very restless about what is going on and many of them do not wish to continue with their captain. The "XO", or Lieutenant Commader, Sam Kendal, is another closely followed character in the story. He has a wife, Christine, who faithfully stands by her husband and defends him against the ugly face of the press. There is a wide array of other characters that are part of the story, including a team of Navy SEALs that were picked up by the sub shortly before it was given the strike order.
         
        Let me just tell you I am completely hooked on this show. I'm so mad that it will be ending soon, too! It was cancelled after, I assume, poor ratings. Episode ten of the only thirteen will air this coming Thursday. Then again, this show did make me want to cry on several occasions and gave me heart palpitations. I loved the inside look at the Navy's chain of command and how then run things. Though, I'm sure everything is a bit skewed so that the real Navy doesn't get mad at ABC for displaying their operations to every television in America. I so love following the story of the XO and his wife. There is so much I could tell you about this show we could be here for hours. I'll keep it short, though. There are so many little things going on that you have to pay attention too. There's Captain Chaplain and his family sorrows of losing his own son in the middle east, the French woman who runs the NATO station and her crush on the XO, the Navy SEALs and their shady mission, the current islanders that oppose the coming of the Navy, and more.

         I will definitely miss this show when it is finishes up in January. I'm so upset that I will never find out the end of the story and what happens to the Captain and his crew. Especially the XO and his wife. Captain Chaplain is a good example for us all. He stands for what it right and won't just take any order unless he knows it is right. This touches upon what I mentioned before when Anthony's class got their grades screwed. The Navy doesn't want free thinkers like Marcus Chaplain, they want loyal followers. It is so obvious that they had to make an entire television series showing America what really happens when you don't do as you're told. Not to mention, how when one man makes a decision it affects the lives of thousands of people. Captain Chaplain is making a point by planting himself on this island. He is standing up for everything in the world that is right and just.

Happy Thanksgiving?

        Hello friends. How was your Thanksgiving? Mine was pretty good. Family, food, and far too many deserts...thought thats never a bad thing. It is only once a year anyway. Amongst all the food and loud family conversation were thoughts of a lonely sailor. Where is he on this most family-oriented day? Is he in the galley having dinner with other sailors? Did a family on base have him over? An answer would soon be given. It was around the nine o'clock hour when the call came. Just a normal phone call like any other day. After some time and no voluntary information I asked, "What did you do for Thanksgiving?" He replied, "A couple buddies and me went to Denny's." At first my heart sank. A diner on Thanksgiving? What a shame. Then I though about it for a minute. Well, he didn't have to eat galley food, he got served his dinner and had no clean up, and he had some company. Doesn't really sound too bad, especially since he got to have some of the apple pie I made for him. I brought it down on our last trip to SC just for this reason.
        
            At least Anthony had a decent turkey dinner with all the fix-ins. That makes me feel better. What makes me feel even better are the plans for Christmas leave! I'll get to attend Anthony's family functions and he will attend mine without missing hardly a thing. He will be taking a flight out of Myrtle Beach right to Philly, just across the bridge from his family and me. I'm so very excited for him to come home. It's going to be bizarre seeing him in his home setting. It's been quite awhile since I've seen him in normal situations. I plan to make him dinner at least one and try to have a sleep over or two. I find it hard to make too many plans because I want Anthony to have more time with his family. He has a rather large family who has not seen him since he left. I, on the other hand, have seen him a few times. I feel it's only fair to share with the rest of his family. Though don't be surprised if you see me on his left arm at every turn. 

        Recently, Anthony had been a little whiny about the Navy and how much he doesn't like certain aspects and blah blah. I always tell him that he signed up for it. It is at no fault of anyone else. However, I do my best to keep his head up. I tell him how much we all love him and how we're proud of him. All that good inspirational stuff. Though, the other day, things had taken an unhealthy turn. He starting talking about psychological effects of what he's going through. At this point I was a little edgy about this topic. I had had my fill of Anthony's complaints for that week so I didn't give much soothing conversation. Later on I felt bad. Anthony needs nothing but encouragement, no matter how sick and tired of his whining I may be. The next night, almost as if I had rehearsed it, I gave him the best encouragement speech to date.  I went on about how much farther ahead in life he is that normal 22-year-old males. I listed for him everything he had going for him and how little normal men his age have. It really worked. His spirits were clearly lifted.

A School Graduation

        Bravo Zulu! Or congratulations in civilian terms. Anthony made it through round one of his schooling and did so with distinction! He ranked number three out of his class of twenty-seven. I'm so proud of him. He's really impressed me so far. We're in a constant battle to out-do each other in life and so far I think he's winning, even though I have a higher GPA. What he's doing requires so much more that just going to work, going to school and everyday life. He's given up being home, being with his family, and doing normal twenty-two year old men's things. So given the circumstances, he's doing better than me. I have some catching up to do.
      
       The trip to SC this time was more entertaining because Anthony's brother came with his mom and me. Since we had another driver and drove during the day/evening there was no need to stop and sleep. We drove right through all eleven hours from Jersey to South Carolina. It was definitely another fun time. We got there rather early Friday morning, around three a.m. Good thing the graduation didn't start until two p.m. that day. We all caught up on sleep before heading over to see Anthony. There was a bit of a mix up as to where to go when we got there, it's not like they had signs telling us where to go. I guess they don't ever get big enough crowds to care. 
       
       Anyway, once we found where to go we were directed to a small auditorium. We opened the door to find sailors in dress blues standing around with very few civilians. Almost immediately we heard another sailor say "Latrella!", calling Anthony's attention to his family that just came in the door. He walked over and gave us all hugs and we talked for a little before the ceremony started. We then sat down to listen to the speakers and watch all the sailors receive their certificates. Watching the sailors jump out of their seats to stand at attention was rather exciting. Anthony was never one to follow rules, so to see him taking orders even as simple as this makes me proud. First announced were the two sailors that graduated with honors, then a few rows of sailors, then those who graduated with distinction. That's my Anthony!

 

        

       After the ceremony we stuck around for a bit so we could get pictures and so Anthony could talk to his buddies. Then we headed back to the hotel to catch up and just hang out. We went out to dinner a while later at the Noisy Oyster, which I recommend to anyone in the area, it was really good! We took along one of Anthony's fellow Petty Officers, McMillan. You may have heard his name announced in the video above. After dinner we went out to a local bar for a drink or two, then went to downtown Charleston to see more of Anthony's friends. The next day, Saturday, we got up and went back to Charleston to walk around and do some shopping. We got lunch there at Jestine's, which was delicious. I also recommend this to anyone visiting the area. After more walking and shopping, we went to a local pub for some quick dinner before going back to the hotel. There we talked some more, had a couple drinks, watched a little youtube and laughed. Unfortunately we couldn't stay to hang out on Sunday because we had to drive home for work on Monday.

         It seems like no amount of time with Anthony is enough, though every little bit helps. While walking around Charleston we were arm in arm almost the entire time. We got to cuddle when he slept over in the hotel, and again, his family was generous enough to give us some time together. It's just really nice to see his face and reconnect again. I will say it has gotten easier to say good bye, at least for now because I know he will be coming home soon. Until then I'll be here trying to be just as good, if not better at life than Ant is. I'm not quite sure how I'll be able to be on the same level but I'm sure going to try. I see your 3.59 GPA and raise you 0.01! 

"They f***** me...and my friends."

Oh boy.

       Don't fret, the title sounds much worse than what I'm about to tell you. However, do take heed to the following disclaimer: This story is based on one (1) sailor's testimony. The validity of this story is not 100%, and the actual occurrences described herein may be exaggerated or misinterpreted. The opinions expressed herein are those of the author. Reader discretion is advised. 
       
       The other day I got a text from Anthony while I was at work. He starting going on about something that happened after his ME3 (Mechanical Equipment test 3). I got a text that read, "They f****** me. They f***** me and my friends." Immediately my head started going places it shouldn't. Thankfully he called shortly thereafter. It was about 4:30, thirty minutes before closing time. He doesn't often call while I'm at work so I knew something was up. He talked for 20 minutes almost without taking a breath. He went on to explain to me that his class was being treated differently than the others next door. The story began to unfold and I could not believe what I was hearing. Then again, it is the government. 
   
        Anthony told me that his class has one of the highest GPAs (Grade Point Average). So much so that they were weeks away from being in the Hall of Fame. Now that goal has fallen by the wayside. This test was described as one of the hardest they'll have to face. When they got their scores back it showed. Some of Anthony's friends failed. The sailor with the highest GPA was even in shock. The entire class was down. Some believed it to be a conspiracy. Some may be correct. His class learned that the class next door, who has had one of the lowest GPAs throughout A School, scored higher than Anthony's class. The class was in an uproar. They all knew that this had to be some mistake. Twenty-three sailors put in for a "re-grade" and all but one were denied.  

       He goes on to explain to me that the instructors actually told the class that they will be given whatever grade the instructors decide. This insinuates that the hard work of our sailors is of no consequence at the whim of the instructors. This is when I started to get angry, but at the same time, I knew this. It's the government. They will do whatever they want to get whatever they need. Just take a look at the state of our nation. They could fix things if they wanted to, but there's so much more to it than we know, and more than they will ever tell us. Anthony's class was doing "too well". They were "too far above average" and had to be marked down. Why hold back the sailors? Why take away Hall of Fame? Because thats the governement. Because the more you make the more they take. The better you do the harder it will become if under the ever watchful eye of our government.
        
       So it appears that at times there is a complete disregard for the actual academic achievements of the sailors. Of course Anthony, being Anthony, had to be one of the sailors to speak up. He said that he could do a bunch of calculations to prove that this test was graded unfairly. That, among other sailors comments, opened the door for additional higher-ups to come in and tell the class how they run things. Is this because they want to push the higher-scoring sailors to do even better? Then why simply hand the lower-scoring sailors a better grade? Should they not push the lower-scoring sailors just as hard? No, because they dont want high scores. All the system wants is individuals (in this case, our sailors) to do what they command, when they command, without question. The higher-scoring sailors will question the orders if they smell foul play. That is unacceptable. It appears that all they want to do is teach sailors how to operate all necessary equipment properly, not to make decisions. That right is reserved. 

        It is a harsh reality.
       

Our First Visit to Charleston

       Just like that it's over. I knew this is just how it would happen. The weekend came and went in the blink of an eye though I actually feel like I was there. Normally when I'm back home from a trip it's like I never left, but this time it's more real. Maybe that's because the drive took 10.5 hours each way and was broken up by staying in a hotel room overnight. So the two night stay in Goose Creek was balanced with one night stays on the way down and on the way back. At any rate, the time with Anthony was so precious and so short its no surprise that I got a little edgy. I needed to squeeze every minute out of this and make it last. When things didn't seem to be working well I got a little frustrated. It was a very emotional visit full of ups and downs, but in the end the ups are what we remember.
       It was so nice to see Anthony. So ridiculously nice. Just being able to touch him whenever I wanted was so indescribably wonderful. I hadn't been able to hold his hand or touch his face or lean my head on him for months. We got to spend a couple nights together snuggling and what not. Having that convenience alone was worth the trip, not to mention all the cool stuff we saw. He looked so cute in his peanut butters and even in plain ol'civilian clothes. He nearly fully recovered from being sick, too, thank God. He looked really good. He was excited to show us all kinds of things and he was really happy we came down to see him. Just in time too, 'cause Anthony was starting to wig out a little down there.
      When his mother and I first got to Goose Creek we settled into the hotel room to take a nap since Anthony couldn't get off base until around four. I woke up in a panic because it was four-fifteen and hadn't heard from him. I texted him and he answered. I'm thinking, now what the hell? He can text and he hasn't told us what to do yet? What's going on? Mind you I was "pms-ing" so I went to instant bitch mode. It was about 4:40 as I attempted to calm down and read when Anthony's mom yelled from the sink area because she saw someone walk by our window. A knock came at the door and she opened it to find Anthony standing there. Being in pms bitch mode still, I was just kind of sitting on the edge of the bed not knowing what to do. Then I felt it comin' on and I started to cry. I teleported from one end of the emotional spectrum to the other in fifteen seconds flat.

       That first night we hung out with his closest buddy Cabunoc. You may remember I mentioned him before. Him, Anthony, his mom and me went down town to walk around, shop, and have dinner. We got to have a drink together at an eatery for the first time, and I had whats called a pizza ball for the first time. It was really good I might add. The next day just me, Anthony and his mom went to Patriot's Point where we toured a destroyer, aircraft carrier, and submarine. They're all old decommissioned vessels, of course, with rust in all the right places. Anthony tried to examine all the little parts and pieces but there's just so much to see we had to make him pick up the pace. We stopped to have lunch back in Goose Creek in between tours and then returned to finish our exploration. After we went to a nearby mall Anthony knows to walk around and have dinner. 

       Unfortunately the last day was the shortest. We got up, packed the car and checked out of the hotel. The three of us headed for the church service Anthony usually goes to. Afterwards we went back to downtown, walked around some and went on a horse carriage tour. We learned alot of neat stuff about Charleston's history. Then we want walking around again to shop a little more before it was time to leave. Anthony had to be back at six for dinner, homework, and watch. It wasn't as sad as when we left him after graduation because we knew we would be back soon. His mom and I still cried though. We watched him walk down the little path and he turned around to see us before he would no longer be visible. Later, while on our way home, Anthony made his normal phone call and said he was upset for awhile after we went our separate ways. He said while he was studying he got a little emotional and someone asked him if he was ok.
       It was a really nice time. I really enjoyed being with Anthony again. Thanks to his understanding mom, we got to have a little alone time to boot. I can't wait until next time. Good thing its only a few weeks away! Yes, weeks! November 16th here I come!

      

A Change in the Seasons

        It got chilly out didn't it? At least here in the northeast and part of the east coast it did. With this change to coats and jackets in the morning comes another change...math. Yes the awful, dreadful math is back for my sailor in the next phase of his schooling. Mechanical Equipment I think its called, I know he told me before but the correct terms escape me right now. Anyway, we're back to biting our nails to see how well he does on his tests. Math is not his friend. When the math portion of Basic Machinery was over he had this in the bag. Excellent test scores, voluntary study time, it was great. I'm anxious to see how his first test will pan out. When he calls me at night he goes over some of the equations he has to learn and my mind just explodes. The last couple nights we have been on the phone for over an hour, just to give you an idea of how much material he has to cover. Anthony took a physics class at our county college the semester before he left. Let's just say he wishes he would have payed more attention. He wound up failing the class.

     Anthony has always been special. I don't mean that kind of special, I mean he is very different from others. When the math was over in Basic Machinery the other sailors felt a little lost. Most of them are good at math and were leery of learning all the mechanical mechanisms. Anthony, on the other hand, was ecstatic that he got to learn about all the machinery and parts and such. Ok, maybe not ecstatic, but more excited to see that subject than math.This is something he had a decent grip on before he left, at least in the domestic sense. He knows car motors, assemblies and motorcycles pretty much inside and out. He could have made a living as a mechanic if  he wanted to. He still might when he gets out of the Navy, but I'm sure he has something bigger in mind. 

       Another thing that has changed has come as a surprise to me. I noticed that lately I haven't been crying as much when think about Anthony. I hadn't realized it until just recently. I can sit and think about when he was home and I won't get teary eyed or upset. I think there's a couple reasons for this. One, I'm so preoccupied with college work I don't have much room to think about anything else. Two, I've actually come to grips with the situation and have accepted that Anthony isn't home. Three, because I get to talk to him everyday, unlike bootcamp where I got a call from him maybe 3 times over the 3 month period. Or four, because I'm taking a trip to see him next weekend. It's a relief that I'm not so emotionally unstable anymore. Though it does make me think, do I not miss him as much? Should I still be upset? I like not being upset but it does make me wonder.

     Yes, you read correctly! I'm taking a weekend trip to Goose Creek to see Anthony! Next weekend! It'll be here so fast and over just as quick. I'm so very excited! His mother and I will be taking turns driving all 661 miles from south Jersey. I'll have much to post when I get back, and definitely some pictures! See you then!

"They wanted to put me on an IV"

     Now the worry sets in. Anthony got sick this week, and not just any sick. I'm talking eyes bloodshot, hacking up all sorts of things, terrible sore throat, possible UTI...I'll spare you all the lovely details. His whole body was having a reaction, even to the antibiotics. He broke out in hives twice. He was cold and warm simultaneously. He was SIQ (sick in quarters) Thursday through the weekend. Thankfully he got back to school today. He's very behind in his classes and fears he will get pushed back. Which isn't really all that bad, but he likes his classmates and would prefer to stay with them. I expected this kind of sickness in bootcamp.
     
      The funniest part is the doctors on base don't even know what he has. They call it pneumonia for "lack of other ailment to diagnose". Seriously? My Anthony is being cared for by these people? God help him. I am more angry that he is sick than anything else; other than just plain feeling sorry for him, of course. Anthony takes care of his body better than anyone I've ever known. He puts his health before everything. Showers were critical for him in bootcamp as well as brushing his teeth. He did well in a packed room full of sweaty, smelly recruits, so why get sick now? Where did it come from? There are no answers. 

      Anthony seems to believe that his illness comes from missing home. I can understand how the stress of being in a new environment, being bombarded with tremendous amounts of information, and being separated from me and the family can make you feel sick. I'm not sure if this can mar your stellar healthy habits and make it look like you barely shower. Sure, Anthony gets colds once in a while, we all do, so we know he's not impenetrable. But he never gets this sick. Ever. He said to me (via text because he could barely speak) that if I was there he probably wouldn't be sick anymore. Way to make me feel guilty. I countered with, "If I were there, you never would have gotten sick in the first place." He tells me, "You make everything better. Even being sick."

      A couple days ago Anthony said a couple of his buddies went to see him after they heard he was sick. Anthony opened the door and his buddies said, Oh, no wonder they said you were sick! He must have looked pretty bad. I got a lovely picture today; a head shot of Anthony. His eyes were blood red and his face was paler than normal (and I thought he couldn't get any more pale). I'm so frustrated with the whole thing. Why is he so sick? Maybe it is just from missing home. What other explanation is there?

Our First Skype Video Chat

It's true!

      It happened! Anthony and I video chatted this afternoon. I was so nervous, it felt like I was at graduation in the crowd of sailors trying to find him all over again. His good friend in A School let Anthony use his Skype account so he could see me, special thanks to Cabunoc for this! It felt so good to his face in real time streaming video. I wanted to jump through the screen of my laptop and give him a hug. He looks so good in his blue camo and his cute hair cut. My parents came to say hi and see him too. I showed Anthony what I had done around the house since he left and let my rabbit Bonni say hello. The first several minutes consisted of constant smiles and staring at each other. It just felt so darn good to see him.

      However, I must say the conversation was a little dry. I have a couple theories as to why he didn't say much: One, he was in his buddy's room and felt a little awkward having him within an earshot; Two, he didn't want to get too upset in front of his friend so he couldn't really get into it; Or three, he just didn't know what or have much to say. I'm banking on number two. A couple times over the days before we chatted Anthony said, in reference to the video chat, he didn't want to cry in front of Cabunoc. So I'm pretty sure he just didn't want to get emotional. I just kept it together until we hung up. I was far too excited to see him to get wrapped up in being upset. I wish I knew how to take a screenshot too, I wanted to have a picture to remember our first chat.

      Either way, this video chat was a great way to get connected again (as if calling everyday isn't enough, or more than most people get). It came just in the nick of time, too. We were both feeling like we couldn't get a grip on if each other still existed as tangible people (again, as if it had been that long, only a couple months). Seeing all his facial expressions and mannerisms was something I had missed so much. Anthony's so quirky, I love it. We did talk for some time, the video chat lasted about forty minutes or so. I'm totally bringing his laptop when his mom and I go visit him in October. This way we can video chat more often and in the comfort of his own room. I can't wait to do it again! Thanks again to Cabunoc for making it possible! I owe you one!

Are you real?

    Well kids its that time of year. School is back in session. This year, for the first time, I was excited for school to start. I'm still a little giddy now after two weeks. I suppose that's because it hasn't gotten hard yet. My recent routine has been either school, home at 5pm, dinner, homework until 11 pm, or work, home at 5pm, dinner, homework until 11pm. It actually hasn't been bad, and I think that's because my brain was so starving for mental stimulation that its still celebrating it still gets to work. Give it some time and I know it'll slowly become more tiresome than fun. Anthony and I are both in full swing with studying. He just had another machinery test and scored a 3.7 out of 4. He's now second in his class! Woohoo! I have my first quiz Tuesday and already handed in an art project for grading. I hope I can do as well as Anthony.

       Anywho, recently I had been getting a weird feeling. I would find myself thinking about Anthony and being appalled that I almost forget what he looks like. By that I mean his facial features. In his pictures that he sends me I keep thinking that he looks different, but really I'm just slowly forgetting the details. I still know exactly what he looks like, don't get me wrong, I could spot him anywhere (though he makes it easy by sticking out with his pale skin and blonde hair). It just seems like certain expressions and intricate details about his face are starting to fade. This scares me. I don't ever ever want to forget anything about him, except maybe the stuff I don't like...nah, I'd be fine with remembering it all.

     So the other day after my nightly call from Anthony he texted me maybe 30 minutes later and said, "Honey, are you real?" Though my friends don't understand this, I knew exactly what he meant. It has been about 3 and a half months since we've seen each other under normal circumstances. In the long run this will seem like nothing, but right now it feels like forever. I simply told him, "I'm here honey, I'm real." After some back and forth he said, "I need to touch you." I replied, "If I could touch you in the next 30 seconds it wouldn't be soon enough." It was safe to assume that he finally fell asleep since he didn't say anything until the morning. It was upsetting, but it also made me feel better because I wasn't the only one of us to feel like I was losing touch. 

       I keep begging him to get a skype account so I can actually see him. His friend has one and uses it to talk to his fiance so I asked if he could show Anthony what to do. He's not very tech-savy so he would definitely need someone just to watch and make sure he's doing it right. It's not hard to set up at all, I probably set mine up in less than 5 minutes, but I would feel better if Ant had a buddy to help. Hopefully I'll get to see him soon, one way or another!

A-School and Coping

Now we're ready to rock!

   If you have read my previous posts you're now all caught up with my journey as a Navy girlfriend thus far. Now I'll start posting at a more regular pace, probably once a month or every couple weeks. Any who, it's been exactly one month since I said goodbye to Anthony at the airport in Illinois. He is well under way in A school, studying for hours and hours and cramming for tests like a real college boy. He has his cell phone so he calls me everyday like he used to when he was home. I love hearing about what he's learning, what hes doing in is free time, and the friends hes making. 

   We have the luxury of texting each other pictures which has been really fun. We've sent self portraits when we miss each other a lot, and we've sent pictures of what we're doing, to get a feel of what's happening in each others lives. He tells me about his adventures around town on the weekends too. He has told me a few stories of when he's out and gets looks from girls. I always get offensive but he assures me that he wouldn't do anything to hurt me. Time will tell whether that will hold up or not, and it better! We talk about how much we can't wait to live together and go wherever the Navy takes, though we've been talking about that since before he left. Anthony's being away has also helped to motivate me to do better things with my life. If Anthony can do what he's doing and have the complaining down to a minimum than I should be able to handle my life with no complaints at all.

   It's very tough to be apart from each other and we're both still adjusting. Our entire summer was consumed with the stress and changes of our new lives. We still have good times, don't get me wrong, but it's a little depressing enjoying yourself when you know your partner is suffering emotionally and mentally. You feel like your cheating them out of a good time but you can't let that dominate your life. The best thing to do is keep busy. As soon as I had some free time, meaning a whole day of no real plans or jobs, I started to get depressed and just lay around. Being occupied 90% of the time keeps the motivation rolling so I can wake up each day feeling good. I've been doing a lot of odd jobs around the house that have been sitting around for a long time. I feel good about how I've been dealing with the separation so far. We both do have our moments where we want to be together so bad it hurts, but so far, I think we're doing pretty good.

Boot Camp and Graduation

Phew!

   A lot of posting for one day. I want you to be caught up, though, so I can write updates on a more regular basis. I last left you with the end of saying goodbye to Anthony on the day he left. His experience through boot camp was tough. The hardest thing for him was getting used to not getting enough sleep. He did well in his tests and pt and he ate well so that wasn't a worry. He did have his moments where he was very down, felt a little ill and missed home. Boot camp was very different than what he expected and that made him lose a little more faith in people. 

  I counted the days until I would get a letter. This first was just a pamphlet where Anthony filled in the blanks so we could have his mailing address, graduation date and guest list. I called his mom and dad to fill them in so they could share his address and begin writing. Anthony had to start sending back letters because he got so many from a lot of his family he didn't have enough room to keep them all. I wrote him everyday but sent about 2 letters a week, his mom sent letters almost everyday. It felt good knowing he had so much support back at home. The letters that were personally for me were the most wonderful. He would go on and on about me and our relationship and how much he missed me. He got in touch with his feelings, which he rarely does, and expressed them in a way that I never thought I would see. Every Thursday I was bursting at the seems waiting for the mail to come. My mom would call me at work to say I got one and I would come home on my lunch break to get it. I just couldn't wait until I got home, I needed to read it asap! Those letters are very special to me and I will treasure them forever.

   Overall, Anthony did well and was very happy to get done boot camp and go out the way he did. I was so very proud of him and couldn't wait to see him at graduation. Nine long weeks after he left I got to see him on August 3rd, 2012. Anthony's brother, his mom, her fiance and myself flew out to Chicago-Midway on August 2nd. We drove a rental car an hour up to Waukegan, Illinois, where our hotel rooms were at and spent the rest of the evening preparing for our early morning the next day. I could hardly wait. The next morning his mother and I got up at 5 to catch a shuttle at 6 to the Recruit Training Command base in Great Lakes, only about 10 minutes away. We stood outside the gates and, in what seemed like no time at all, the gates were opened. We found where Anthony's division would be standing during the ceremony and got a seat on the bleachers. We saved a couple spots for Anthony's brother and his mom's fiance, who would join us a little later. I had picked out my outfit a month in advance, and I must say it came out well. 

   I was ready with my video camera and digital still camera to capture every moment. His mother and I watched the large room (maybe its classified as a hanger?) slowly fill with the families of the new sailors. Anthony's brother and his mother's fiance joined us just in time for the ceremony to start. It was a thrilling experience and we were all so proud. When the divisions of fresh new sailors marched into the space there was a sense of camaraderie among the crowd. We were all gathered for the same purpose; to show support for our sailors. As I was taping Anthony's division marching in I found him in the crowd. I could hardly contain my excitement when I saw the most important person in my life marching in step in dress whites. Although, he wasn't as excited as me, since he was still tired and almost fell asleep during the ceremony like several other sailors. As the event winded down the entire crowd was on the edge of their seats until liberty was called. Then the building exploded with families trying to find their sailors. When I found mine nothing else in the world mattered. I dropped what I had in my hands right on the ground, gave him a hug and burst into tears. All I wanted to do was hold onto him for as long as I possibly could, and that I did. We took him back to the hotel, had some alone time, and after we all got a chance to spend some good time together. It was the best and fastest weekend of my life. 

   
  I hated to leave him again. The next day we had another chance to spend some time with him at the airport were he was flying out. The next nine months of his life will be spent at Charleston, South Carolina at A school. Another teary goodbye was waiting in the wings. I never wanted to let go but time forced me to move on. I squeezed him tight and we exchanged I love yous and last kisses. I can still feel his hug, how he held onto my hand when I turned away, and how it still hurts. We left earlier than I wanted, but we had a long 13 hour drive ahead of us.

    

The Beginning of the Next Six Years

The day was June 5th, 2012.

    The dreaded day where he would leave his life behind. Anthony decided he wanted to join the service years ago because he wanted to get out of Jersey and make a life for himself. The timing was poor though. Everything was starting to turn around when it came time for him to leave. He was doing good at his job and his relationship with me was going strong. He officially signed up about a year before his original leave date of July 10th, 2012. Anthony, being the way he is, asked for his date to be move up because he was cranky and had a bad day so he wanted to leave sooner. The months leading up to that day seemed like they didn't even exist. All the time spent asking questions and wondering how he will do didn't even matter. Nothing could prepare me for what was about to happen. I tried to put the brakes on time itself but we see how well that worked. I savored as many moments as I could. The last week he had as a civilian was the hardest. He was still home with me but time was running out. We practically counted down the days, all of his "lasts". His last meal at home, his last day at work, his last time with me, etc. Now it was real.

    His mother and I, along with his brother and grandpop, went to the hotel were the new recruits were to stay at the night before their leave date; from there he would be taken to Fort Dix. We had a nice dinner and had a couple hours to spend before he had to head to his room. Anthony's brother and grandpop said their goodbyes, but his mother and I would see him the next day so we saved the tearful moments for later. The next day we went up to Fort Dix to see him swear-in. His mother and I took the 45 minute drive staying fairly quiet. The emotions were rocking back and forth inside us. We were so excited and yet so very sad. We were so proud and yet so scared. We went through all the security and were escorted to where Anthony was being held. There he was, in a crowded room of new recruits. We had the luxury of taking him upstairs to a quiet waiting room where the recruits who had family with them could wait. Here in another room he swore in. Our hearts swelled with pride.

  
   After, in military tradition, we had to hurry up and wait. The hours seemed like forever. The agony was being prolonged. At one point we just wanted him to go so we could get it over with. Then the time came. The families lined a walkway just outside the front door. Out came the recruits, envelopes of instructions in hand, while the families clapped and cheered. It was a very surreal moment full of emotion. Anthony got the chance to give us both a last hug and kiss as he got onto the bus to the airport. It was a struggle for his mother and I to keep ourselves composed. We knew we had to be strong for him. Ironically, on our drive home we saw the buses on the highway and caught up to them. We must have embarrassed poor Anthony while we called him from the car and he waved to us. We heard him say, "That's my mom and girlfriend...they have to come home this way anyway."

   And so it began.  

A Breif History

Welcome!

   As you may have seen I have another blog, but I have not written in quite some time. This is because I had only created a blog for a class I was attending at community college two years ago. However, I feel the need for an outlet to talk about my new journey in life. This seems like a fitting and worthy place for what I want to do. So let's get started with some back story:

   My boyfriend and I met as seniors in high school. We were in the same math class and had some mutual friends, although I had not seen him outside of school. The first thing that made me notice Anthony was the way he said the word "negative". He put a bizarre emphasis on the T in negative. To this day I would like to thank my math teacher, Mr. Murphy, for moving Anthony's seat to behind me. That is when it all started. We talked during class and you could tell there was something happening. Unlike me, I made the first move and got Anthony's number from a mutual friend and texted him. Things were moving along. A school play was right around the corner so this was a perfect opportunity to spend some time together outside of the classroom. Anthony bought tickets for us and I met him there with another friend. We sat together to watch the show and enjoyed it. My friend who I had come with wanted to leave right after it was over, but I had some friends in the cast I wanted to congratulate first. Then it hit me: Anthony can drive! He can take me home. He didn't mind staying a few extra minutes for me. He had a beautiful 1967 Ford Racing-Blue Ranger. I raved about it and he was very surprised that I liked it so much. We pulled up to my house after a short drive. I still remember it like it was yesterday. I thanked him for the ride and was trying to find the handle to open the door when he said, "Wait." So I waited for a moment and he shook it off with a mumble. Again I reached for the handle and he said, "Wait." Then it happened. I remember the feeling of his lips meeting mine, the most wonderful sensation. It didn't even matter that his lips were chapped. The day was March 12, 2009.

   Conveniently, senior trip was right around the corner in the same month of March, so we had the chance to let things bloom on a vacation to Disney World, Florida. We spent everyday together except for one day. Another person I would like to thank is our friend Brett. On the way to our daily morning breakfast, while walking hand-in-hand, Brett ran into us. He said, "Oh I didn't know you two were going out!" Neither did we. It wasn't official yet. In an attempt to avoid being awkward Anthony and I went along with it. Brett then asked, "How long have you been together?" We practically froze. Anthony quickly jumped in with, "Oh, a couple weeks." Phew, the encounter with Brett was handled well as he moved along. So then we were official, much to both of our surprise. The year to come would be filled with ups and downs as our senior year came to a close and our college lives began. Many trials and tribulations tested our ability to maintain a healthy relationship. From the betrayal of friends, to keeping secrets, to finding out his ex-girlfriend lives across the street from me. All typical young adult drama would fill our first year. It was in October of 2009 that we reached a breaking point. That month we spent separated. By the end of the month we were officially single by Facebook status. The day after the split was official I got a phone call from Anthony. He wanted to see me. "So soon?" I thought. I would let him come to find out why. He explained to me that he did not want to be separated and missed me. That kiss he gave me that night was the best in my life, it was magical.

     Since that day we have been doing considerably well. Trust me, there were still many bumps in the road, but easier ones, and they began to diminish over time. Things just seemed to improve as time marched on. We started going on each others' family vacations and discovering things about each other that we truly appreciated. A real relationship was growing. Our love for each other is honest. Our support for each other is endless. I could write a whole 'nother blog about his wonderful qualities and our relationship itself. All I want to get across is that, even at our young ages of 21 and 22, we have one of the best relationships I have ever seen. I'm not just saying this because its my relationship, but because it truly is a great one. We are beyond our years in maturity, which allows us to see the world differently. Others have noticed and commented likewise. 
    
    On another note, I still live with my parents and Anthony has a small house with his brother only 20 minutes away. He used to live in the converted attic of his grandpop's house up until the winter of 2011, which was only 10 minutes away. That is were we hung out the most.

    Now, I would like to invite you to watch my life's new journey unfold: Being a Navy Girlfriend.