Hello, everyone! February is now another month in the past, taking with it most of the drama and stress that it brought about. Alot happened in this dark month, good and bad. Anthony had several mental breakdowns while I made strides in my collegiate career. Ironic, huh? Just when my sailor is at his most fragile state is when I make new friends and step into the real college experience. Maybe it is a way of coping, or just a coincidence. Either way I'm glad things are getting better for my sailor. He has now been pulled from his classes and no longer has to do homework or study. He still has to go in and do odd jobs to make sure he is accounted for, which isn't bad at all. He has all this free time now so he has been on facebook and skyping more. It is nice to hear Anthony talking like his old self every once in awhile even if it makes me miss him more. He has even said from his own mouth that he is happier now. Yahoo!
It's nice to know that things are looking up for my sailor. I love that Anthony has been taking better care of himself since the stress has lessened, though he is still drinking more often. He hasn't been reassigned yet, or at least I don't know if he has been. That is what I'm worried about right now. I hope he gets to do something he will enjoy, like head out on deployment, but it also make me weary. I don't know what happens out there on a ship and I haven't heard much about it either. All this unknown and unanswered questions will only be brought into the light when he's back from his first time out. Which, for all we know, could be tomorrow. I'm just afraid that once he gets out there it will not be any better for him and he'll go off the deep end again(no pun intended).
Not to be like this, but I'm also afraid of what not having contact with me will do to him. Also, if there is contact what is it limited to? I know that being in my sailor's pocket whenever he needs me has helped keep him on the stable side of sanity. So how will he take not having me within a couple button clicks away affect him? Will he even need me once hes out there or will he just love it? Only time, and Anthony, will tell. I have a feeling it will be like boot camp, only with emails, and no time to answer them. However, I am thankful that he won't be on any front lines in the way of any danger. The ocean is still a scary place, anything can happen out there. It is a powerful force of nature that is inescapable when your a sitting duck. I'm just worried about his safety. He needs to come home, everytime, healthy, until this is all over. I am thankful to the Navy for letting him see the good life he has and all the good people in it. In taking his life in Jersey and making it seem like a mirage, the Navy opened his eyes to everything he left behind. Most budding sailors are fresh out of high school, leaving nothing behind but an xbox, maybe a car, and a few buddies. Anthony now knows what he has left, and one day, we'll pick it back up and continue building the life we dream about.
On another note, our anniversary is coming up fast. March 12 will be our 4 year anniversary. Four years! Four years full of love, heartache, ups and downs, more love, rabbits, cats, houses, cars, and even more love. We had a rocky start but things have steadily improved. He openly talks about getting engaged. This would have never ever happened a year ago. I wouldn't trade Anthony for anything in the world. He's far too special to let go of easily. Why else would I stick it out just to have him join the Navy and leave three-and-a-half years later? Though, in the early days, neither of us saw this growing into what it has become. Anthony certainly didn't see this coming. He likes tall, pale blonde girls and I am the total opposite; a short, olive brunette. We still joke about it from time to time. I used to always be afraid that he would just up and leave one day when he had enough. It almost got to that point, too, but he could never bring himself to cut me out. Something was telling him not to let me go. His final plan was to end our relationship when he left for the Navy. He had this thought floating around since he signed the contract almost a year ago. He told me that three months before he left he made the decision that he wanted me to stay in his life. He just couldn't let me go even though everything he wanted in a woman could still be out there. Now, he has a new definition of what he wants.
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