It's Going To Be Okay

My sailor is coming home!

     For a visit, of course. In less that two weeks I will have my sailor in my arms. Plans have changed yet again as well. He is now flying home Thursday night and will fly back to SC the following Thursday morning. He won't be here for a week, more like 5 days, even though he took a weeks worth of leave. No matter though. The important thing is that he is going to be on his way home only hours after I finish my final exams. What good timing. He'll be home for his dad's birthday and Mother's Day. I booked our hotel in Wildwood for two nights for Car Show Weekend. We'll get some good quality time and I'm super happy with that. He'll also get plenty of time to see family when I go to work since I only took off a couple days. Everybody should be happy, and thats the problem.
     You see, whenever something goes right in my life something bad always has to counter it. It's like some demented checks and balances system that life has for me. The good that happened is that Anthony got approved for leave and will fly home, which means more time with him. I got a great deal on a good old-fashioned Wildwood hotel and this semester was an easy ride. Now the bad part starts. You already know about tuition going up, and now Anthony has managed to get himself written up. He's been losing it again starting yesterday. Well, he's been slowly losing it since Christmas but yesterday he plummeted. Two sailors in his same situation got their orders. One to West Virginia and the other to Maine. Maine of all places - Anthony's favorite. They got pulled from the Nuke program after Anthony did and they got their orders before he did. As you can guess he threw a fit. Got in trouble for that. Then while he was on the phone with me he threw his clothes iron on the concrete. I assume he broke it. I'm not sure specifically what got him written up, he didn't say why or what that will do to his career.
       He's doing a good job of making sure everyone knows he's not happy. He told me that he will tell the chiefs right to them. No wonder he hasn't gotten orders yet. This is what always happens to my poor sailor. It can be traced back to high school and beyond. He acts out when things aren't right and then others who are less vocal or violent get what they want first. That's just how things work. But what Anthony doesn't want to do he doesn't want to do. He doesn't bend to the will of other people, especially those he doesn't respect. He just doesn't have the right mindset for the military. Never did. You would think he would listen to me when I told him this was a bad idea, but no. He wasn't going to stay home, thus bending to my will, and now look. I told him from the word recruiter that I didn't think it would work. As I'm sure we would all like Anthony to stay and be on a good path I personally don't see it happening. It simply is not compatible with his nature.
     The recent drama has been particularly difficult to deal with. It almost makes you think that you are the one who is crazy. It makes you feel so powerless, like nothing you can say can make them feel at ease. When a person is that mentally unstable anything you say could set them off. In those instances when you yourself are afraid, you can't think of anything safe to say to the person on the other end of the line. You could say something harmless and they could twist it and add it to their discomfort. You just sit, quiet, and listen to them bang stuff around because they're so lost. You wonder, why did I even ask them to call me? What can I say? I'm not a therapist by any means, so when I'm put in these situations I just keep quiet. A patient voice waiting for the right moment to say, "It's going to be okay."

Nevermind.

Well so much for that.

      I told you last week that I was planning to see my sailor in about a month. I said I was flying down to Goose Creek to see him and staying with his married friends. Not anymore. Anthony couldn't get that many days in a row of special liberty so the whole thing is called off. I'm super bummed about it. I really need some time with my sailor. Just me and him and no one else. By some time I mean like 3 days of just us together. I guess that just isn't one of God's plans. It was hard enough as it was to find flights and come to grips with the hundreds I would spend just to get down there, now I have to grasp that I can't have him all to myself. I know it sounds selfish to butt out his family. I don't really want to, either. I like his family and I miss seeing them. I just want a few days. I'll take a couple, but I have to have one. At least one with just us.
      Why am I sharing him with his family you ask? Well, my dear readers, there is a new plan. Anthony decided to take leave and head home as soon as the semester is over. He didn't put in for it yet and hopefully there won't be any problems. We came to the consensus that it would be more cost effective for him to come up here. He would take the long drive on Thursday and get here sometime Friday afternoon. Perfect timing, since I get off work at three pm on Fridays. Then the plan is to steal him away on Saturday and head to the shore. It'll be car show weekend on the boardwalk! We'll stay over one night and head back Sunday. It's just under two hours to get there so we'll be home in no time. Then we'll see our moms for Mother's Day. I told him I would take off on Monday so we could hang out but I can't take off anymore days this time, especially if we're planning to go to Maine in July. Depending on how much leave he has he will stay through the week, but I have a feeling he'll be leaving on Thursday to be back in Goose Creek for Friday. Whatever happens I'll be happy that he'll be home where I can get to him in twenty minutes or less. 
      It's been particularly difficult being away from Anthony lately. I think it's because my best bud left for the Navy (and is probably getting his butt kicked at RTC as we speak). Now I'm pretty much alone. No one else I talk to knows Anthony and me like my buddy did. He could always make me feel better. Even though he thought it unattractive when I cried he would still let me lean on him when I needed to. I am adjusting rather quickly, though, thank God. How many times can a girl see off her good friends before she looses her marbles?
     As for what Anthony is up to the situation remains the same. Oh, and remember when I said he moved again? He only got another room because the air conditioning broke in his other one. He liked it being broken, though. He's like me in that neither of us really like air conditioning. Its always too cold when its on. Anyway, Anthony has just been getting frustrated that he is still just floating at NNPTC. He has said before he either wants to be deployed or go home. This busy work and duty to fill up his time is getting old fast. 

     I just miss him. Like. A lot. Hopefully I'll see him in 3 weeks! 

     On a side note, I was recently informed that some people don't appreciate me posting on the Navy FB groups about my blog. I also learned that some people have a problem with what I write about my sailor. One person even called it "offensive". I was so caught off guard by that. I can't imagine what could be that bad. If anyone would like to fill me in or leave opinions, please help me out by commenting or messaging. Thank you everyone.

Attention Passengers

Hello everyone.

     Fine weather lately, eh? At least here in the northeast spring finally sprung. My little garden is so full of blooms, it is relaxing to go out back to just sit and enjoy the colors. It is the only quiet time I can get around here lately. I've got the biggest headache and oncoming cold that I so don't need right now. My school work has finally kicked it into college gear after cruising along all semester. For the first time since December I have been working on school stuff from the time I get home from work to the time I shower and hit the hay. My head is constantly spinning with all the things I have to do. Maybe that's why I suddenly caught a cold. 
     Anywho, Anthony got moved again. I'm not sure to where, I didn't ask since he doesn't really like remembering anything Navy about his day. It must have not been a big deal. He said he would tell me later that day when he would call but I guess we both forgot to bring it up. That's the only change I have to report for Anthony. The rest of the action was on my end of the deal since my last update. Let me give you the bad news first. I got a letter from New Jersey's tuition aid sector saying that my partial scholarship money has been cut by more than half for the remainder of the year. Oh, great. Just when I'll be taking another cut in hours at work due to school is when it gets more expensive. As I'm sure I mentioned before I pay the difference out of pocket to avoid loans and debt. I pay about $2500 out of my own paycheck per semester. Now it will double. Great. Just wonderful. Sure, it's better than having tens of thousands in loans, but its also not as good as having your parents pay for it. 
     Moving on. My best guy friend is also leaving for the Navy on Tuesday. Why must God take all my sanity away from me? He has been such a help supporting me while Anthony has been away. I already feel like I'm going to be lost. I have known him longer than I've known Anthony. I don't trust other men with my life like I do with him, not even Anthony. I know that my best bud would jump in front of a bullet for me while Anthony would keep himself from harm. It's just Anthony's nature to protect himself before anyone else, which I understand...to a point. I know my best bud will be fine adjusting to the Navy life but I worry if he can handle the material they teach down there.
     On the positive I am currently planning a trip to Goose Creek! It's a big pain in the neck to get a decent flight for a good price. I managed to find something I can work with, though, and should be heading down to see my sailor in about a month. As long as he can get special leave for Wednesday through Friday I can deal with him having duty on Saturday. I'll sacrifice that day to have him for some more time on Sunday. I'll be home in time for my sister's graduation from Rutgers on Monday, too. This has really been the source of my headache lately. It is so painstaking to figure out what flight goes where I want it to at the time I want it to, and the same for coming home. It's so expensive to fly but its leaps and bounds faster than driving 11 hours. I'll be there in about 4 total! Yahoo! This is still tentative until Monday when Anthony goes to put in for special leave. Cross your fingers!
        Lets recap: College payments double, best friends goes into the Navy, school work on overload, and planning to see Anthony...oh wait! I forgot the best part! Anthony, Mr. Fear of Commitment, has saved his money and is currently ring shopping! I don't want to get too excited still, but he has been looking at my favorite designer, Verragio (no plug intended). He said one of the things we can do when I head down is hit the jewelry stores. I am sooooo ok with that! I had already given him examples of what I like and he is doing good so far. He even pointed out rose gold, which I didn't consider because it was more expensive. I'm ok with that too! The more (or the bigger) the merrier!

April Showers Bring May Flowers

          I'd like to believe that's true despite the flowers in my garden already blooming. The start of April means the beginning of the end...for this semester, that is. Once the calendar page turns it's only a matter of time before May arrives, and then the semester is practically over. Then, only then can I actually make a plan to see my sailor. Considering, of course, that he is still availible for visiting. I tried to make a few arrangements before now but nothing could come together. It has been a bit of a struggle and I just want to be able to see my boyfriend of four years, is that so much to ask? The Navy thinks so. They would like it if I never came to see him at all. That's not happening. Regardless, its been going to my head that I haven't seen my sailor since Christmas. Christmas for God's sake! The injustice! It's not fair. It's all for a reason, but its just not fair. 
        I tried to plan a trip during spring break in March, but my tight budget and lack of flexible scheduling proved unworkable. Its always a heart breaker when you think there is a possibility you will see your sailor but it falls through. Take last night, for instance. The Art Students League at Rutgers is taking a trip to Washington, DC this coming Saturday to go to all the free museums. I thought there might be a small glimmer of hope that Anthony would be able to come up and meet me there for the excursion. Silly me did not think that DC is only 3 hours away from me and about 8 hours away from Anthony. Not quite half way as I had dreamed it would be. I still told Anthony about my little idea and we both agreed it just didn't make much sense. 
         What does a girl have to do to see some Navy cake these days? Make a wicked pay check so she can buy an expensive airline ticket and hotel room. As luck and generous people would have it, Anthony's married friends said that I could stay with them if I ever did go back down. I thought that was so nice of them. That would save me a bundle if I didn't have to get a hotel room. Then I would just have to worry about the 500 dollar plane ticket. Isn't that insane? Coach seats! Not first class, coach! Give me a break. All this money in the way of me and Anthony. Time and money. I wouldn't mind the time at all but I do mind the money. Tax refund would help but I need that to pay for school. Round and round we go and when I'll see my sailor...well, nobody knows.